if only i could text you this smell
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
