How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Randomize
