wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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