oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
