I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
