I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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