if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
