i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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