I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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