nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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