I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
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