All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
