I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Randomize
