a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
