I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
