last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize