the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
