____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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