Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
