as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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