my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
