i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
