State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
