Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
