I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
