Joe is yelling at the trees again.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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