I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
