Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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