He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Randomize
