oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
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