Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
