yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
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