we have officially lost it.
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
