i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
