u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
