We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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