Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
