Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I AM VODKA MAN
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize