a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
