Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
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