I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
