The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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