Where is the hickey?
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
