You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
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