i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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