Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
