he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
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