I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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