Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
