Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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