Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
