I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
