I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Randomize
