So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
