i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Randomize
