Where is the hickey?
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
