nut hugger
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
