if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
