Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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