I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
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If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
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I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
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