So drunk its hurt
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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